a) irrefutable
29 Dec
Before I light into the obscure, I should probably put down some words about the unambiguous, the known, the irrefutable.
Over the past seven months, as I have slowly recovered from traumatic brain injuries (note: plural), as I have made my return to neurological “normalcy,” I have began to accept the irrefutable.
The irrefutable is this: I have well respected medical doctors who believe it would be unwise for me to return to racing.
The thing about this irrefutable belief is this: it applies to everyone. That is, if you wish to be safe and not crash on your bike, don’t ride it.
It’s very simple—or, no it’s not.
*At this point I would normally fall to the temptation to elaborate on the obscurity of my future, and the obscurity of what is exactly a good idea to do with it. But, I won’t. I’ll save it for the end, the gran obscuritas.
The irrefutable is this: I have a Team and management looking after me. Gavin Chilcott, Jim Ochowicz, and team Dr. Scott Major have gone to great lengths (at times greater than that my own) to put my in-the-grand-scheme-of-things interest and neurological-physical safety as the highest priority. Credit to my denial and to my somewhat blind desire to return to what I know I love, the Team has taken more serious than I the diagnosis and conviction of the doctors. Even then, with the uncertainty of my being granted clearance from the medical world, they have honored the terms of my contract and are committed toward helping me, not only on the right path toward full recovery, but also in finding the best testing and evaluation,.
Just after the New Year, and shortly before January team camp, I have an appointment with the University of Utah Orthopedic Center in Salt Lake City. There they have a Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation (PM&R) department that specializes in traumatic brain injury (TBI) and “sports concussion management.” Their protocol for evaluation is that of the IMPACT program developed by the University of Pittsburgh used in evaluating NFL, NHL, and other professional athletes who have experienced TBI. The program helps athletes in their pursuit to “return to play.” The irrefutable thing that they will further diagnose is the fact that I have had, in my life time, five significant concussions. Four times they have resulted in a loss of consciousness. The last of these was not only a concussion but a contusion, a bleed to the right frontal lobe. These events place me in a category of high risk. The obstacle isn’t necessarily the tissue of the brain and its ability to repair itself. The tissue of the brain (provided you no longer injure it) has a good capacity to regenerate and heal. This has been referred to as “plasticity.” Rather, in my case, the concern has to do with the supportive casing that holds the tissue in place within the skull. The supportive casing does not repair as quickly, or so well, leaving the brain tissue more susceptible to injury in the process.
They (being the neurologists) say that TBIs have a cumulative effect. It could be assumed that the extent of my last injury (the contusion) was a cumulative result of all the head injuries prior to it. As I stand now, even without any further TBI, I am statistically a candidate for the early onset of not-so-positive-things-to-think-about like dementia, memory loss, or Alzheimer’s, to name a few.
More on the irrefutable: I love to ride my bike. It is a vehicle, for me, in more ways than just getting from one place to another. It is a metaphor, which comes from the Greek metapherein, “to transfer,” or akin to “transport;” something used, or regarded as being used, to represent something else: emblem; symbol.
Continuing to send good thoughts/prayers/karma your way for complete healing, so you can return to what you love. Hang in there!
Hoping you can continue to do what you love, you deserve it Scott.
Scott,
Wishing you the best as you recover. I’ve found the bike to be theraputic in my recovery from recent brain surgery.
You do your thing, man. Let the doctors do their thing. Where the two intersect, think about who you’re living for: you? or them?
Best,
Chris
I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers…and add you to my church prayer list. We’ll be waiting to hear the miraculous healing. Do you want to ride? Then believe it!
Enjoyed the article, Scott. Thanks for tweeting it. Good luck on sorting out the next steps. I’m sure you’ll create a solution that works.
Scott- While the crash may have done some invisible things to your brain it certainly has not hindered your ability to express yourself verbally or to think through your situation. I know that that same brain will lead you to make the right decision for yourself. I will pray for your health and well-being. Thank you for a well written and well thought out piece.