more rehab Mt Conness
The Stanford hopsital visit with Dr Lopez went well and was very benficial.
I was having a hard time with the patience needed in waiting to get in to see him. But after the fact, I am now more pleased that some time and experience was able to pass and then being able see him with more of an articulate explanation of my symptoms. I gained some more clarificaition, they ran basic tests and explained some background for my type of and location of and severity of injury.
the number one thing that I cannot forget to write is:
Dr Lopez agreed that I was done racing for season. But, he said I Can Expect 100% Recovery.
But, I need patience.
In 3 weeks I undergo some neuro-psych testing (3 months since the accident) and then we'll have further discussion about the next steps to take toward cycling.
the thing about neuroscience is: they don't have the corner on how many times a brain can take impact. The reason for this is that each impact that occurs is different, and each brain react differently. But the one thing they do know is: injuries to the brain have a cummulative effect. Dr Lopez asked as much about the injuries throughout my life as he did about the recent ones in cycling.
The tests that they ran narrowed down my symptoms, having mostly to do with short term memory. I am/was still able to use reason and analyse. During the test, when one of the questions asked me to repeat something from a question asked not more than a minute earlier, I drew nothing but a blank.
After discribing them my experiences/symptoms/things that I was going through, the resident Dr said that I was also suffering from "Anhedonia", the basic inability to experience pleasure--even in activities to which one is accustomed toward enjoying (like bike riding for example) and that anhedonia correlated with the injured area of my brain. . that and the difficulty with short term memory made sense with a damaged right frontal lobe. . .
and they both make sense, in general, with my experience since the crash. I wrote earlier about the experiences in non-thought ____________________ (blank)__________ Neuro test/blog
or having no opinions, or my inability in decision making… not knowing where I stand, or what I care to do.
for now I am a changed person,
my relationships to family, fiance’, bikes, mountains. . .they have all been altered.
and before I was worried about that .. .thinking it was me, my fault. … .a neuro psychiatrist mentioned to me our culture’s emphasis on placing blame, even to ourselves, and the likely, damaging time dealing with that especially while dealing with the effects of a brain injury. Accidents happen. Anhedonia happens. ..it was helpful to get the news that full recovery can be expected, and that there was word in dictionary for my experience. It has made it easier to be patient, and accepting, or not only the accident, but for the time being, the symptom-filled life it had left me with to live.