Scott Nydam

Day Two started off like the days preceding, I woke up a 8am. My excuse this time is that I had motel logistics, plus I paid for a good night of sleep, and I was probably up a little too late editing my last entry.

I piled my things into a new motel room, spent the morning reading+computer work, and made my way on dirt roads to the remote trail head at Green Lakes Campground.  I was on foot, moving down the trail at a timely 3 o’clock in the afternoon. By that time thunderheads had mounted over the mounts, and reports from a few, brief trail discussions I had with exiting Challengers was that hail had dropped on the summits. My hope was that the afternoon clouds would pass, the sky would open up, and once that I made it off trail, my late day attempt would take me across fresh cleansed Sierra granite under some nice, low-angle sun light. I was lucky.

The last few miles were done in the dark, some aid from artificial light, and dinner cooked on the tail gate.

The Stanford hopsital visit with Dr Lopez went well and was very benficial.
I was having a hard time with the patience needed in waiting to get in to see him. But after the fact, I am now more pleased that some time and experience was able to pass and then being able see him with more of an articulate explanation of my symptoms. I gained some more clarificaition, they ran basic tests and explained some background for my type of and location of and severity of injury.
the number one thing that I cannot forget to write is:
Dr Lopez agreed that I was done racing for season. But, he said I Can Expect 100% Recovery.
But, I need patience.
In 3 weeks I undergo some neuro-psych testing (3 months since the accident) and then we'll have further discussion about the next steps to take toward cycling.
the thing about neuroscience is: they don't have the corner on how many times a brain can take impact. The reason for this is that each impact that occurs is different, and each brain react differently. But the one thing they do know is: injuries to the brain have a cummulative effect. Dr Lopez asked as much about the injuries throughout my life as he did about the recent ones in cycling.
The tests that they ran narrowed down my symptoms, having mostly to do with short term memory. I am/was still able to use reason and analyse. During the test, when one of the questions asked me to repeat something from a question asked not more than a minute earlier, I drew nothing but a blank.
After discribing them my experiences/symptoms/things that I was going through, the resident Dr said that I was also suffering from "Anhedonia", the basic inability to experience pleasure--even in activities to which one is accustomed toward enjoying (like bike riding for example) and that anhedonia correlated with the injured area of my brain. . that and the difficulty with short term memory made sense with a damaged right frontal lobe. . .
and they both make sense, in general, with my experience since the crash. I wrote earlier about the experiences in non-thought ____________________ (blank)__________ Neuro test/blog
or having no opinions, or my inability in decision making… not knowing where I stand, or what I care to do.
for now I am a changed person,
my relationships to family, fiance’, bikes, mountains. . .they have all been altered.
and before I was worried about that .. .thinking it was me, my fault. … .a neuro psychiatrist mentioned to me our culture’s emphasis on placing blame, even to ourselves, and the likely, damaging time dealing with that especially while dealing with the effects of a brain injury. Accidents happen. Anhedonia happens. ..it was helpful to get the news that full recovery can be expected, and that there was word in dictionary for my experience. It has made it easier to be patient, and accepting, or not only the accident, but for the time being, the symptom-filled life it had left me with to live.

it’s again time for a website update, tomorrow another day going to Stanford to see the neurological clinic and the very well educated people who run the phycility. How do you spell physility?
I have had so many not so much ups and downs but rather ins and outs that I can’t begin to account for them. The learning curve on head injury still remains to be arching toward the apex.
but the good thing is that I have regained my ability to speak in metaphor.
I finally got a call up from Dr Lopez at Stanford, to whom I have been on a waiting list to see since my last Stanford visit to see Dr Sheur the neurosurgeon, who at the time referred me to Lopez after having sitting, stern with me, looking me in eye that I was done racing my bike for the season.
tears welled up in eyes he was looking in.
jennifer and sat outside the neuro clinic for an hour afterward, watching people on the pathway toward the entry, walking past the flower garden. We sat talking and finally being able to acknowledge the significance of the past occurance. . . how crashing and burning had taken more than the get-up-and-go response that I was accusutomed to; the attempt to make a semi-heroic comback dispite the normal time table they give people with things like broken colar bones. This one was a broken brain. Something you don’t risk breaking again–not until due time has past, at least.
The nite before going south to Palo Alto Stanfordville I begain the break down, realizing not the more severe head injury at the Gila, rather the comimg to consciousness in the ambulance in Tour of CA when I heard John LeLangue’s voice in the vehicle and soon after realizing that I had crashed and that too it must have been significant enough that he abandoned the director sportif in the team car race position to be with me!?! The reason for that: he saw me go down outside the team car and was that concerned about my well being. The night before going down to get the call from Dr Sheur, I think I new then what he was going to say. I owned up the emmensity of it all, rather than trying to contort it into my future plans and training and racing plans and hopes to move on.
Tomorrow, hopefully I’ll get some constructive gage on the steps to recovery, but for now I have at least come to terms that this, need be, is going to be a patience-filled process.
Much has been brought to my awareness, as I am redrawing connections in my mind from heart through my brain and to the experienced world around me. . . how fragile this life and the delight of living it is! Holy moly.

two weeks ago, during the middle the Giro, a gift showed up at the door from a good friend. A total surprise

http://www.velonews.com/article/87534/bmc-s-scott-nydam-2008-king-of-the-mountains-says-he-s

http://www.pressdemocrat.com/article/20090204/ARTICLES/902040142/1010/SPORTS?Title=13_pro_riders_and_1_knucklehead

Photo Credit: Kent Porter / The Press Democrat